All Cracked Up
by dellykins
Summary: Bluestreak and Frenzy have a situation to deal with. D: Bluestreak/Frenzy. Jazz/Prowl.


**Title:** Denial and Duct-tape  
**Verse:** G1  
**Series:** None  
**Rating:** T  
**Warnings:** Slash.  
**Pairings: **Jazz/Prowl. Bluestreak/Frenzy  
**Summary:** I don't own.  
**Notes: **Yay for crack!  
**Prompt: February Fragments ** "(February '12) 1."But its just a ...".  
**Words:** 126

"But its just a little spark." I don't see what the problem is. It's not like it's going to take up that much space. Or really that much energon. And can't you imaging how cute and tiny it's going to be! isn't that bad. He isn't, I promise."

"Are you glitched?" Jazz asked, looking exasperated, and shaking his head at his only sparkling.

Prowl's doorwings twitched. "Blue."

"It will all work out. I've always wanted a sparkling." Bluestreak said, as chipper as ever.

"Primus, Blue. I'm going to duct tape that little pest's interface equipment together." Jazz grumbled.

"Little...not so much. Gonna need a lot of duct tape." Bluestreak muttered back.

Prowl finally did glitch then. A mech can only take so much.

OoOoOoOo

**Title:** And the Parents...  
**Verse:** Multi-continuity AU  
**Series:** Crack  
**Rating:** T  
**Warnings: **CRACK! :D Slash. Mech-Preg. Possibly Size Kink. *facepalms*  
**Pairings/Characters:** Bluestreak/Frenzy  
**Notes: **A cracky follow-up to **Denial and Duct-tape****.**  
**Summary: **Bluestreak and Frenzy have a talk with their creators.  
**Prompt:** 9. If they hurt you, they hurt me too  
**Words:** 444

"I don't see what the problem is." Bluestreak grumbled under his breath, and glared at his creators, his Prime, Megatron, and Soundwave.

Frenzy stood beside him, his red optics hard. "It's a bit late to be bitching about it now. Father...really." He huffed, knowing what was coming.

"Frenzy: bad choices."

"How can you even say that." The little bot flailed, and finally clung to Bluestreak.

"He's right, that is a horrible thing to say. The Sparkling isn't a bad choice. We will love him. We already love him. Do you not like sparklings, is that it, because I find that really odd...since you have so many. And I don't see what is so bad about this. We love each other, and this war, it's kinda silly at this point. There is way too few of us. We are like nearly an extinct species. I don't want to be is a horrible thought."

The leaders of the factions both sighed and exchanged a look. "He has a point." Optimus said gravely, frowning at Megatron.

Megatron nodded, brow ridge quirking. "That may be, but I cannot say that they went about this in the right way. You were both raised better than this."

"We will support whatever decision you make with the sparkling." Optimus finally said, his tone tired. "Your creators will." he added, levelling a glare at their creators. "Won't they?"

Prowl glared back for a moment, what other choice did they have. "We will. But I am still disappointed in you, Bluestreak. You _were_ taught better than this. You don't just-just shack up with the first bot-"

"SIRE! Don't talk like that. It's not even like that at all." Bluestreak said looking mortified. "We want to bond before the sparkling is extracted."

"Bluestreak: clearly confused. Bonding first. Sparklings, later." Soundwave said in a snarky tone.

"Don't you talk to MY Sparkling that way!" Jazz shrieked.

"Clearly: shareware."

Jazz sputtered. "Prowler, PROWLER, did you hear what he said!"

Prowl sighted. "I heard, that was uncalled for."

"Soundwave: Truthful."

"Truthful, my aft, if you'd kept track of that mini metallic meatball we wouldn't be in this mess." Jazz hissed, his visor bright as he glared down the other visored mech. He pointed a digit at Soundwave, shaking it angrily.

The cassette carrier glared back, "Bluestreak: hardly innocent. Jazz: Can frag off."

Megatron and Optimus both sighed, this was getting them nowhere. Megatron shook his head. ::Maybe we should just say 'Frag it' and lock them all in a supply closet.::

The volume of the argument rose, and Optimus winced. ::That, old friend, is more, and more tempting by the moment.::

OoOoOoOoOo

**Title:** Tension of all Natures  
**Author**: Chi Shiro and Dellessa  
**Verse:** Multi-continuity AU  
**Series:** Crack  
**Rating:** T  
**Warnings:** Implied Mech-preg, Sparklings, Implied Sticky.  
**Pairings/Characters:** Bluestreak/Frenzy  
**Notes: **I never thought I would say that I misquoted Shakespeare and TATU in the same fic. Now I can say I have. :D  
Oh, yeah...this isn't mine. I'm just borrowing things.  
**Summary:** In which things are blown out of proportion. Soundwave is an aft, and so is Jazz. Prowl puts his foot down. And Blue and Frenzy sit back and facepalm.  
**Prompt:** 6. "Like a game of pick-up sticks, played by fucking lunatics." -T.A.T.U.  
**Words:** 1155

Bluestreak bounced the tiny, little sparklings, one on each knee. He smiled blindingly when the tiny bots cooed and chirped at him. The little mechs were really just that tiny, clearly minis in the making, with little nublings on their backs. The beginnings of doorwings, like their carrier. Bluestreak cooed back, a small, silly grin still pasted on his face as they all ignored the bickering in the background. It was more than a little sad that his newsparks were so used to the fighting that they simply tuned it out. He looked up for one moment, and the smile slipped as he watched Frenzy make frenetic hand motions at his carriers. His bondmate made a gesture with one hand that left Bluestreak flushing. He had picked up some deplorable habits from the humans, most from Spike (and he would be talking to Bumblebee about that). Frenzy stomped over to Bluestreak and curled up, looking disgruntled and angry. It was never a good combination where his mate was concerned.

He only half listened as Soundwave and Jazz sniped at each other. It had become a sadly commonplace event. If he didn't know better Bluestreak would guess they secretly liked each other and didn't know how to show it, like mechlings in their last youngling frames. The mech doth protest too much, at least in Jazz's case. Of course, he could be wrong. He hoped he was wrong. He didn't want to think badly of his sire. He canted his head, tuning into the conversation, and put an arm around his little mech. "They are on a roll tonight." Bluestreak murmured.

"Tell me about it." Frenzy grumbled as Soundwave let a word fly that he never would have let Frenzy say. "Rumble and I got our mouths washed out with solvent for saying that, ya know."

Bluestreak gave a nasty little grin, one Frenzy probably didn't know he was capable of. "Think it would do any good if we tried to put them in the corner?"

"Same corner or different corner?" Frenzy's questioning led Bluestreak to believe he'd be happiest if it were the same corner, if only for the comedic value.

Bluestreak gave him a slight squeeze and a playful kiss. "Different corners, my mini metallic meatball. The twins need their grand-creators."

Frenzy leaned up to return the kiss, pressing for something a little deeper than Bluestreak would give him with the twins still in his grasp. He murmured against his mate's lips, "I thought that's why we got Megatron and Optimus?"

"Uh huh, do you really want Ruck and Del calling Starscream 'grandma'?" Bluestreak couldn't help the smirk as Frenzy pulled back with a look of absolute horror written across his face plates. Though he started to think that was preferable as Soundwave started. Again.

"Jazz: foolish. Mechlings will live on Nemesis."

"Over my sparkless frame. MY grand-sparklings are not living in that death-trap."

Soundwave glared. Or at least Bluestreak thought he glared. It was always hard to tell with the visor on. Not that Bluestreak blamed him. If his face conveyed emotion that well he'd hide it away too. "Jazz: Foolish." The blue mech repeated. "Soundwave superior. Decepticon medical: Superior. Two sets of twins: did just fine on Nemesis. Jazz: Should Frag off and Deal with it."

"Why you-" Jazz growled and lunged at the blue mech, his fist striking out. Soundwave managed to duck, the first blow in any case. He was less successful with the second. Bluestreak could only sigh. Not this again.

Prowl glared at them both but didn't jump in to stop the altercation. There was no point in it. He'd tried in the past and had to have dents banged out for his troubles. "Jazz, if you do not cease this tomfoolery I will be forced to do something drastic. I hear Thundercracker is serious about finding a mate."

Jazz stopped as he drew back to throw another punch. He stared at his mate for a moment, reset his optics (allowing them to wink off and on like an organic blinking), and then laughed. Laughed loudly. Laughed until he was spurting static and had to reset his vocal processor. "Good one Prowler, good one. You and Thundercracker. That's so illogical you'd make yourself fritz five minutes into the first date. Next you're going to tell me Rumble and Skyfire have signed up to dance together on that celebrity dance off Blaster likes so much." He giggled loudly at the thoughts, unable to decide which one would be more unlikely.

Prowl glared, and rolled his optics. "_Of course_ I'm joking. Of course it is completely ridiculous. Thundercracker and I would be at each other's throats in half a cycle."

"So are we anymore."

"I love you though, you melodramatic brat."

"Aw Prowler, I love you too." He said, hugging his bondmate tightly. He looked over Prowl's shoulder, and stuck out his glossa at Soundwave.

Bluestreak rolled his own optics. He half expected Jazz to shout 'Nanah Nanah BOOBOO!' at Frenzy's creator.

Prowl pulled away and glared over at Soundwave, "And as for you, as the humans would say, that is a bunch of bullshit. Hook is not even a medic. Not a real medic like Ratchet and First Aid are. So blow it out your aft. Bluestreak, Delirium, and Ruckus aren't going anywhere."

"Situation analysis: incorrect. Prowl: not as smart as he thinks."

"WHY YOU-YOU-" Jazz yelled, trying to rush past Prowl at Soundwave. Bluestreak was fairly certain at this point it was the simple sound of the monotone that was setting his sire off. Soundwave could announce the sky was blue and Jazz would use it as an excuse to slag him.

"Oh, for Primus sake, Jazz. Cool your heels. He's only doing it to get a rise out out you." Prowl's optics narrowed dangerously, and he came to a conclusion he didn't like in the least. "He loves to get a rise out of you," he continued. "If he knows what is good for him-Soundwave: will desist. Prowl: Dangerous when angry." He said, mocking the mech in question.

"Soundwave: statements accurate. Medical care: superior. Starscream: better medic. Megatron: Trusts him with treatment."

Prowl snorted. "Oh, please. Starscream also sucks his spike, reason enough for him to try his best. He has a vested interest."

Soundwave laughed, it was an eerie and echoing sound. "Prowl: jealous. Jazz lacking. Praxian: better suited with seeker." Soundwave smirked behind his mask, but it was, for once, evident in his tone.

Bluestreak could only sigh, his vents hitching loudly, as his sire lurched forward once more. His carrier didn't even try to hold him back this time. These days his life really did feel like a game of pick-up sticks, played by a bunch of fragging lunatics-but he wouldn't trade it for anything. He took Frenzy's hand and hoped, for the billionth time, that he felt the same.

OoOoOoOoOo

**Title:** Deviation from the Norm  
**Verse:** Multi-continuity AU  
**Series:** Crack  
**Rating:** M  
**Warnings:** Mech-preg. Sticky. Foursomes/moresomes. Voyeurism.  
**Pairings/Characters:**Bluestreak/Frenzy  
**Notes: **Partially inspired by Chi's youngest. The first time she saw the 86 movie she asked her mom "Mommy, is the Autobot retarded?" when talking about Hot Rod. It's become something of a running joke.  
**Summary: **In which Bluestreak sees too MUCH, and Frenzy wants to record it.  
**Prompt:** ? Why? Why?  
**Words:** 950

Bluestreak let out a little sigh of relief as he walked away from Optimus and Hot Rod's room. As much as he loved his sparklets he was more then past due for a break. Optimus jumped at the chance. He claimed he needed the practice, and Blue didn't doubt it. Hot Rod was nearing the end of his carrying cycle. He almost felt sorry for the red and gold mech, almost. He didn't want to imagine carrying a sparklet that big. AND the fact that Hot Rod was the carrier. He wasn't sure about Optimus' choice. Hot Rod was a loud mouth. Arrogant. Always getting in trouble and rushing off and getting himself slagged in battle. Also, he wasn't the brightest conductor in the pack. Bluestreak figured that was probably why the red mech was taken off of active duty the nano-second Hatchet found out he was carrying.

Bluestreak paused for a moment and frowned. He hoped Optimus' sparklet wouldn't be that slagging obnoxious. If they were all lucky he would take after his progenitor. The thought of a mini Hot Rod running around sent Blue into a tizzy, and he knew his creator's logic circuits would fizzle out again. It already had happened when Optimus broke the news about the sparkling, and then again when they decided to bond.

He shook his head, and grinned as he met Frenzy at the end of the hallway.

"Hey sweetspark." Bluestreak chirped.

"Hey, yourself, hot-aft." Frenzy leered, flicking one optic off and on in a human-like wink.

"I hope they remembered we are heading over." Bluestreak shook his head. It was amazing how good his creators were at their jobs, and how prone they both were to forgetting the mundane things.

Blue frowned as he stopped at the door. Noise reverberated through the metal and into the halls. It sounded more like a scuffle than anything. He looked down at Frenzy, who just shrugged. Panic welled up in Blue's spark. What is they were being attacked? "Oh Primus." He murmured, as he punched in the override code his creators had taught him long ago. The door slid open with a swish and Bluestreak let out a horrified squeal.

Frenzy let out an enthusiastic whoop. "THIS needs to be recoded."

"Frenzy!" Bluestreak squeaked, his voice rising in pitch to hysteria. He shuttered his gaze. The last thing in the world he wanted to see was his creators writhing about on the berth with Soundwave. And Skywarp. WHY WAS SKYWARP EVEN THERE? He whimpered, horrified and unable to look away all at once.

"Seriously. This is awesome." Frenzy said too loudly, finally attracting the attention of the room's occupants.

Bluestreak let out another little, unhappy squeak as he finally noticed Thundercracker. The blue mech was sitting off to the side, Starscream on his lap, WATCHING. Blue offlined his optics when he realized that wasn't' all they were doing.

Skywarp looked up from where he was between Jazz's legs, transfluid on his lips. He grinned, seemingly oblivious to the mess, and waved. "Heeeeelllooo!"

Jazz swatted at him. "Hey! What do you think-" Jazz off-lined his optics for a moment, and nudged Prowl, who seemed disinclined to pay him any notice, too far gone in his chase for an overload. Any other time Jazz would have laughed at Prowl's single mindedness. Any other time he would have thought it was pretty slagging hot watching him ride Soundwave. At the moment, though, he could only blink at his creation. His horrified creation. And his creation's amused bondmate. The little, pit-spawned slagger.

Frenzy seemed oblivious to Bluestreak's distress. "Hey Screamer!" Frenzy waved merrily. "Megs know you're here?"

The seeker's gaze shifted, boring into the little mech, but that didn't seem to faze him. He gave a haughty snort. "He does not control me."

Thundercracker laughed loudly. "Of course he doesn't, triney. Of course he doesn't. That's why I heard you telling him where you were going before we left."

Starscream glared at Thundercracker, and then glared harder at Frenzy, who was staring intently at Jazz and Prowl, clearly committing the scene to his memory banks. "WELL, Triney, if you are going to use that smart mouth of yours you should do something productive with it." Starscream started to lean in for a kiss, pausing to scowl. "Speaking of Unicron himself, he's calling me." His scowl deepened, and he glared at Frenzy through the entirety of the conversation. Which was honestly more amusing since those present could only hear one side. "Yes." "Yes." "I know." "Certainly." "_**YES**_." "If you really think so." "Of course I will be back soon." "No. Really. No." He huffed. ". Iwillseeyouthen."

Frenzy laughed loudly. "Still the same old delusional Screamer. He can't control you? Riiight." He laughed harder still at the smug look on Thundercracker's face.

Bluestreak whimpered, uncaring about the going ons of seekers, optics still offline. "I'm not hearing isn't happening. I'm not seeing any of this."

"Shut the door then, sweetspark." Jazz called from the berth.

Prowl seemed to finally snap out of his post overload stupor at the sound of Jazz's voice. "JAZZ!" He snapped, whacking his bondmate upside the head. "What did you do to my SPARKLING?" He watched, gape mouthed, as Bluestreak ran out of the room shrieking. He whacked Jazz upside the head one more, glaring.

"Prooooowler."

"Jazz: insensitive. Bad, bad Jazz." Soundwave added, thwaping the black and white himself.

"What the slag." Jazz groaned. "I didn't **DO** it. It was you two humping like petrorabbits. Primus. That hurt."

"Way to go, Jazzmeister." Frenzy said from the doorway, closing it as he went to go look for his wayward mate.

OoOoOoOoOo

**Title:** Frenetic  
**Verse:** Multi-continuity AU  
**Series:** Crack  
**Rating:** T  
**Warnings: **Mech-Preg. Sparklings.  
**Pairings/Characters: **Bluestreak/Frenzy  
**Notes: **None!:D  
**Summary: **  
**Prompt:** illusions  
**Words:** 416

Bluestreak stuttered, clearly upset, "But they...they...they...they were...they...and those...and the seekers...they..."

"Yeah, I know. I was there." Frenzy said, clearly unfazed.

"My creators are DEVIANTS." Bluestreak burst out.

"Mine was there too. So? It doesn't mean a thing. It's their business."

"But I would never..." Bluestreak whimpered.

"Oh, I know. That's just as well. I don't share well," he leered. "Even with Rumble. I just don't." The little mech shrugged, "I would never ask that of you."

Bluestreak gave him a wan little smile. "Thank you swee-" He frowned, jerking as the door chimed. He opened it, his frown deepening as he saw who was at their doorway. Skywarp. What a wonderful way to end the evening.

"What do you want?" He scowled at the seemingly chipper purple mech.

"I just wanted to apologize. I-can't imagine you are happy with any of us at the moment."

"I'm not." Bluestreak glared.

"I know." Skywarp said, and eyed Bluestreak up and down."You're a grown mech with winglets of your own. One would think you'd know to knock by now."

"I-yes, I guess you're right." Bluestreak said, deflating.

Frenzy rolled his optics, "Stop picking on him, Warp. We've had a hard enough day."

Skywarp shrugged, making himself at home as he plopped down in a chair. "So where are the bitlets?"

Frenzy snorted. "Optimus and Hot Rod are spark-sitting."

"Well that is brave of you." Warp chirped.

"Brave? How? Optimus always takes good care of them."

"Two words: Hot and Rod." Skywarp laughed.

"That was three, and Roddi isn't so bad." Bluestreak glared. "He's gotten better."

"He's gotten knocked up, and that is about it as far as I can tell. Reliable sources told me he's still out racing with the twins. And that he had to be forcibly removed from active duty on threat of his T-cog being removed. Not that there's really any active duty anymore with half the faction facing you 'Bots."

"Warp." Frenzy hissed, looking at the seeker tetchily. The last thing he wanted was for Bluestreak to get wound up all over again. "Shut your trap before I shut it for you." He said in an even tone, conveying just **HOW** mad he really was. "You're one to talk, especially after how that little scene played out. You do realize you were in there facin' 'Bots...right?"

"I never said it was a bad thing."

Bluestreak listened, and groaned, facepalming. It was just too much.

OoOoOoOoOo


End file.
